Nightmare
by Sarahjane
Summary: Qui-Gon faces a difficult situation after he quits the Jedi Order


Disclaimer: These characters, except for Qui-Gon's wife and son, are not mine. They belong to George Lucas and are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only.  
  
Nightmare  
Part 1  
  
Mace Windu's chin drooped forward onto his chest. It was understandable. He hadn't slept through the night in two weeks.  
  
His eyes fluttered open, and he jerked his head up. He blinked several times, focusing his eyes on the figure in the bed. Satisfied that, at least temporarily, the boy was sleeping soundly, he allowed himself to slump back into the chair in which he sat, and in which he had spent every night for the last two weeks.  
  
Two weeks.  
  
For the last two weeks he had sat up all night in a chair near the bed of the boy, waiting. For the last two weeks the boy had tossed and turned through the night, shaking and trembling incessantly. No matter how long the boy slept, or how many times Mace Windu tried to soothe the boy's mind with Jedi tricks, the boy remained exhausted. Dark circles rimmed his eyes, giving him the blank, dead stare of a zombie. Whatever demons the boy faced, they appeared to be undefeatable.  
  
As predicted, the boy began to toss and turn. His back stiffened, and his hands clenched tightly into fists. His back arched as a muscle spasm surged through his body. Mace Windu tried to send calming signals through the weak bond they shared but to no avail. His eyes opened blindly and, as Mace watched in horror, rolled into the top of his head as he began to have a violent seizure. Finally the tremors stopped and the boy's body abruptly relaxed, leaving him limp and weak.  
  
Sighing, Mace Windu made his decision. He walked to the computer and sent a message to Ridea.  
  
*****  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn rose from his bed and padded wearily to the comm center. "Hello," he said groggily as the message appeared. "Mace!" he cried, recognizing his friend's face. "How are you?"  
  
Mace Windu looked unbearably weary. "Not so well, I'm afraid. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. I called because of Obi-Wan."  
  
Qui-Gon flinched at the mention of his former padawan's name. He had not seen Obi-Wan after his marriage to Elena and his move to Ridea. How many years had it been? Four? Five? No, he decided, it must have been six years ago. His son, Benji, was five now. He shook his head wondering where the years had gone.  
  
"Qui-Gon? Did you hear me?"  
  
"Yes, of course," he answered, trying to bring his attention to the present. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
"Nightmares."  
  
Qui-Gon frowned. "Nightmares? The boy is...how old is he?"  
  
"Nineteen." The word was as cold as ice.  
  
"Yes, well, isn't that a little old for nightmares?"  
  
"These aren't standard run-of-the-mill bad dreams, Qui-Gon. Do you think I would be this worried if they were? No," he said, answering his own question, "these are different. Obi-Wan tosses and turns all night. Tonight he started having a seizure. Plus, no matter how much sleep he gets, he remains exhausted. He looks like he's about to collapse. Actually," he admitted, "I'm not doing much better. I haven't slept through the night in two weeks, and I don't know what to do."  
  
"Why did you call me?" Qui-Gon asked. "I'm just a farmer now, just a regular guy."  
  
"Qui-Gon, you'll never be just a regular guy," Mace said. "Besides, you're his master..."  
  
"...was his master," Qui-Gon corrected with a slight lump in his throat. "That's your job now."  
  
"No matter what you say, the bond is still there. I only took up his training because you asked me to, and I must say that I have had a hard time. Oh, Obi-Wan is very polite and respectful, but there's nothing there. No connection. Nothing."  
  
"With time..."  
  
"It's been six years! How much time do you think it will take? The boy will be a Jedi Master before we ever form any kind of Padawan-Master bond." There was a sharp intake in breath. "Qui-Gon, I didn't call you to argue. I thought that maybe you could help me figure out what's wrong with him. I think..." He hesitated slightly. "I think he might be succoming to the Dark Side."  
  
Pain shot through Qui-Gon, but he sought desperately to keep his feelings at bay. Benji is your son now, he reminded himself, not Obi-Wan. Aloud he said, "Like you've said, it's been six years. How can I help?"  
  
"I'd like you to see him. Perhaps your leaving still...I don't know, but he was very hurt when you left the order. I think he felt that you had abandoned him."  
  
"I can't possibly leave my family..."  
  
"Think about this son for now. Obi-Wan still is your son. Maybe not on the outside, but deep down he will always be your son, and you will always love him as such. He needs you. Can't you put him first just this once?"  
  
"I put him first..."  
  
"For how long? For a year? Qui-Gon, do you remember what Master Yoda said to us when we became knights? A master takes a padawan for *life*. Not for a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years, but for *life*."  
  
Qui-Gon wanted to protest, but he gave up. "Fine. Why don't you come to Ridea? You two can stay in my home while you and I get to the bottom of this."  
  
Mace Windu nodded. "Excellent. Thank you for your help." His voice was cold and stiff.  
  
"You're welcome." Qui-Gon's voice was equally stiff. "When can you arrive?"  
  
"We can be there in two days."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Good."  
  
*****  
  
"Master, where are we going?"  
  
Mace Windu winced internally at the boy's hoarse voice strained with exhaustion. "Go back to sleep, Padawan. We will be there shortly."  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
Mace sighed. His plan had better work. He wasn't sure how much longer Obi-Wan would last.  
  
*****  
  
After Mace and Obi-Wan met Qui-Gon at the docking port, they climbed into a personal transport and sped away to Qui-Gon's farm.  
  
Qui-Gon glanced back at Obi-Wan en route. The boy looked so much older. He was almost a man now, certainly not the same eager young boy he had apprenticed seven years ago. Yet he was clearly unhealthy. He blinked his eyes, fighting to stay awake. "Rest, Padawan."  
  
The words caused Obi-Wan to stiffen, and he saw a shadow of pain and anger pass across the boy's face, but when he looked again, the flicker was gone. The boy remained sitting as he had been before. "I am all right, sir."  
  
Qui-Gon said nothing, and the rest of the journey passed in silence.  
  
*****  
  
Obi-Wan found his eyelids drooping for the millionth time that day. He struggled to stay awake, trying to focus his attention on Qui-Gon.  
  
Bad idea. Looking at Qui-Gon caused a knot to form in his stomach. He could only begin to guess at the feelings behind the ache. Pain? Hurt? Anger? He knew that the last was unfitting of a Jedi, yet the feeling remained at the periphery of his mind. 'How is it that it has been so long,' he wondered, 'and yet he still causes me so much anguish?'  
  
He turned his attention to Qui-Gon's family. He had met Elena once before. She was a small, slender woman with a gentle smile and a kind heart. Obi-Wan had instantly taken a liking to her six years ago, pleased that she and his master were so close.  
  
Of course, that closeness had developed into something more.  
  
He then turned to Qui-Gon's son, Benji. He was tall for five, thin, and slightly gawky. His lively brown eyes sparkled with intelligence as he struggled to follow the adults' conversation. Qui-Gon turned to his son and smiled, and Obi-Wan felt a pang of jealousy flair up inside of him, especially because when Qui-Gon glanced at Obi-Wan, his expression was one of complete apathy.  
  
Benji yawned, nearly falling out of his chair. As if on cue, his mother rose. "I should put the boy in bed. It is passed his bedtime." Benji protested, but Elena silenced him with a look.  
  
"Good night, sirs," he said to Mace Windu and Obi-Wan, bobbing his head in an imitation of the bow his mother had given them upon their arrival. "G'night, Daddy." He crawled into his father's lap, and Qui-Gon gave the boy an affectionate kiss.  
  
"Good night, little one," he said.  
  
Once the boy and his mother had left, Mace turned to his own charge. "We should be retiring as well. It is late."  
  
Qui-Gon nodded. "Very well. I will see you in the morning."  
  
When they too had left, Qui-Gon slumped in his chair and leaned back. He knew now that Mace's instincts were accurate. He could feel a grave disturbance in the Force surrounding Obi-Wan. He only hoped that it was not too late.  
  
After he was sure that Obi-Wan was asleep, he walked into the guest room where he and Mace were sleeping. Mace sat in a chair, watching Obi-Wan sleep. He turned toward Qui-Gon upon his friend's entrance. "I hope this works."  
  
"So do I. The bond between us is weak."  
  
"But there. The bond between you was never severed. You should be able to utilize it to discover the root of his ailment."  
  
"I still do not understand why you cannot do this alone."  
  
"I told you--there is no bond between us. Only you can do this."  
  
Qui-Gon nodded his ascension. Closing his eyes, he plunged into Obi-Wan's mind.  
  
*****  
  
Qui-Gon found himself in an empty, white room. There were no doors or windows. The room was only dimly lit, and the corners of the room were clothed in shadows.  
  
In one corner he saw Obi-Wan. He wore his Jedi clothes, and he was curled up into a ball, hiding in the shadows. Obi-Wan lifted his head and stared upwards with blood-shot eyes, seemingly oblivious to Qui-Gon's presence. Qui-Gon turned to the figure at whom Obi-Wan was staring and saw...  
  
Obi-Wan.  
  
The figure wore black robes and wielded a lightsaber with a blood-red blade. His eyes, a cold blue color, were narrowed with hate; his lips curled into a scowl. The single braid was gone. Yet he was unmistakingly Qui-Gon's former apprentice.  
  
Obi-Wan whimpered slightly upon seeing his dark self standing there. Slowly he rose to his feet and ignited his lightsaber. The two blades, one red, one blue, pulsed in the dim light as the two stared at each other, preparing to fight.  
  
The dark figure moved first, striking first. Obi-Wan blocked the attack, although Qui-Gon noticed that he looked exhausted. The battle would not go well.  
  
The battle raged for quite a while. Finally, the dark figure knocked Obi-Wan's lightsaber out of his hand, sending it clattering across the floor. The boy advanced menacingly, sending Obi-Wan scrambling back into the corner.  
  
"Well, well, well, here we are again." Qui-Gon flinched at the boy's voice. It was dripping with hate and sarcasm. "Once more the great Jedi has fallen before me." He paused, but Obi-Wan did not flinch. "Don't feel too bad. It's not your fault. If your master hadn't abandoned you, perhaps you would have the training needed to defeat me."  
  
"That's not true," Obi-Wan said, although his voice was full of doubt. "Qui-Gon didn't abandon me. And anyway, Master Windu is a great Jedi."  
  
"Mmm, yes, I'm sure he is," the boy said patronizingly. "But he's not *your* master, now is he? No, Qui-Gon is your master. You trusted him. You put your faith in him. You swore to follow him to the end of the galaxy. And how did he repay you?" His voice rose nearly to the point of hysteria. "He left! He quit! He ran away!"  
  
Qui-Gon felt paralyzed by the boy's words. He wanted to rip the knife the boy had plunged into his heart out of his body, except that there was no knife. None except for his own guilty conscience.  
  
'I betrayed him,' he thought. 'I ignored my duty to him. I promised to train him, and I broke that promise.' Yet even as these words flashed across his brain, he rationalized, 'I did it for love. I love my wife. I love my son. I did the right thing. I'm sorry if I hurt Obi-Wan, but I did what I had to do. When you find love, you hold on to it. I found love, and that's just what I did. I didn't want to live the rest of my life alone. I did what I had to do.'  
  
He turned his attention back to the boys. Obi-Wan was still sitting with his back to the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest. "Just get it over with!" he cried out. "Stop! Just kill me already!"  
  
The boy smiled and deactivated his lightsaber. "I don't think so. That would be too easy. But I will finish our meeting for now."  
  
Bolts of blue electricity jumped from the boy's fingertips. Obi-Wan screamed. His muscles began to convulse violently. His screams echoed throughout the room. Qui-Gon felt as if someone had grabbed the knife in his heart and was twisting it with all of his strength. He tried to help Obi-Wan but found himself once more bolted to the ground, unable to do anything but watch in horror.  
  
Obi-Wan jerked on the floor. The spasms shook his body. His head thwacked on the floor over and over again. His breaths came out as short little gasps. His eyes rolled into the top of his head. His jaw went slack, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth. The screams had stopped, but the eerie silence burned Qui-Gon's soul even more than the screams had.  
  
The boy advanced on his victim, never allowing the lightning to falter. The look on his face was one of murderous determination. Soon it would all be over.  
  
*****  
  
Qui-Gon abruptly found himself lying on the floor of his guest room. Mace Windu leaned over him. "Are you all right? What happened?"  
  
Qui-Gon jerked up. "Obi-Wan, is he..."  
  
"He's fine. What happened?"  
  
Qui-Gon rose to his feet. Only once he had seen Obi-Wan with his own two eyes did he answer Mace's question. "Obi-Wan is fighting with the Dark Side. It has begun to eat away at his soul." He looked once more at the figure lying on the bed. Obi-Wan gasped for air rhythmically. He looked utterly exhausted. "He may not last much longer."  
  
"The Dark Side? But what does it want with him?"  
  
"I saw Obi-Wan dueling with his doppelganger. The evil one defeated him and began to taunt him. He said..." Qui-Gon paused for a moment. "He said that I had abandoned him. He said that I had betrayed him." He waited for Mace to comment, but none was forthcoming. "Then he shot Obi-Wan with electricity." He paused once more in his narrative to look at the boy on the bed. "He obviously is waiting for Obi-Wan to give in to his pain and anger, turning him to the Dark Side."  
  
Mace followed Qui-Gon's gaze. "What are we going to do?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't know."  
  
*****  
  
When Obi-Wan awoke, Qui-Gon was sitting at the end of his bed. "Good, you're awake."  
  
"Yes sir?"  
  
Qui-Gon wished that he would call him "Master." Strange how much he missed hearing that one word. "We need to talk."  
  
"About what?" Obi-Wan sat up, fighting dizziness. 'When did that start?' He shrugged it off, chalking it up to the mysterious disease from which Master Windu was sure that he was suffering.  
  
"Obi-Wan, I know that you feel that I betrayed you." He held up a hand to fend of the argument. "You are correct: I did. I am very sorry. That certainly was not my intention. But I fell in love, and I wanted to pursue that. I did not want to let love escape. I wanted a family: a wife, a child. Surely you must understand that."  
  
"You said I was like a son to you," Obi-Wan whispered. Qui-Gon could feel waves of hurt and anguish emanating from him.  
  
"You were, and you still are. Obi-Wan, I will always love. You will always be a son to me."  
  
"Then why did you go?" He struggled to keep the tears from spilling. He was almost twenty years old. He was far too old to cry.  
  
Qui-Gon sighed. "Sometimes I wonder. I have no regrets, understand that. I have a wife and child. I have a home. Yet sometimes I wonder what exactly drove me to give everything up. I still do not know the answer to that. All I know is that love is a precious thing. When you find it, you hold on to it, no matter what it takes."  
  
"So I didn't..."  
  
"Didn't what?"  
  
His voice was almost inaudible. "I didn't...disappoint you? You didn't leave because I was a bad padawan?"  
  
"Of course not!" he answered, shocked. No wonder Obi-Wan had been so tortured! If he had thought for all of these years... "Of course not, Obi-Wan. You were a wonderful Padawan."  
  
"Then why didn't you want to train me?"  
  
Qui-Gon closed his eyes. "Obi-Wan, I did want to train you. Believe me, I did. But...Obi-Wan, I just didn't want to be a Jedi anymore." He opened his eyes. "Did you know that I have a brother?"  
  
He shook his head, thinking about his own brother, Owen. "Are you close?"  
  
"Very close. Before I left, I saw my brother. He has a wife and children. When I visited him, I realized that I wanted what he had. I didn't want to travel the galaxy anymore. I didn't want that life. And then when I met Elena..." He looked at Obi-Wan. "I never met to cause you so much pain."  
  
"It's not your fault, Ma--sir."  
  
The slip made Qui-Gon ache. He yearned to hear that word pass from Obi-Wan's lips. He had never appreciated the sound of it before, but now...now he did. "Remember somthing." He placed his hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders. "You were--and are--a great Padawan. I feel honored to have known you. I know that you will become a great Jedi. I only hope that you can find peace."  
  
He noticed that Obi-Wan looked slightly better. The haunted look in his eyes was gone. It was as if a great burden had been lifted from him. However, the fatigue was still there. "You should rest."  
  
Obi-Wan sank back onto the bed. "Good night, Master," he murmered as he closed his eyes. 


End file.
